Hysterical Blindness

Okay, so this is a little weird, coming back here after so long.

But I recently fired off an angry letter, and it was printed, and I thought it was important, so I wanted to share it with you here.

It all started when I opened my Washington Blade (the gay paper of DC) last week, and saw this:



For those who may not know, that's Gov. Paterson of New York, a recent champion of marriage equality for same-gender couples. Gov. Paterson is straight, and African-American, and a man with a disability. And yeah, that's a gay paper repaying him for his stand, by making a stupid, unfunny blindness joke.

When I saw this, I was so mad, I couldn't see straight. And when I emerged from my haze of anger, I discovered that I'd already dashed off an angry letter, which was printed in this week's issue.

To Whom It May Concern:

If we, as a community, can justifiably take a stand against hateful cartoonists such as Sean Delonas of the New York Post, then we ought to speak out just as forcibly when we come across cartoons with similarly hateful messages that target other groups, such as people with disabilities.

I was angered and disappointed to see such a cartoon in the Washington Blade on April 24, which mocked New York Gov. David Paterson’s blindness. The LGBT community faces many challenges from a homophobic society, yet shows an appalling indifference to those who possess physical differences. The way we cling to a culture that often praises physical perfection above all else does nothing to advance our cause and only succeeds in alienating us from our allies and each other.

I would like to see the Blade issue an open apology to our staunch ally Gov. Paterson, and to the disability community at large. After such a gross display of disrespect, it’s the very least you could do.

RED SEVEN
Washington (click to read more ...)

Red Ribbons And Snowflakes

Over Christmas, I went up to see Houlton, who (believe it or not) shall go by the moniker of The Beau from now on.

What a great time! I got to meet a bunch of his friends at the Red Ribbons & Snowflakes Benefit Dance on Saturday, to benefit Northern Lambda, a wonderful organization that he is an officer with that reaches out to the far flung LGBT community in Aroostook County. And to raise awareness of people living with HIV/AIDS in The County (as Aroostook County is known here in Maine).

The dance was fantastic. The DJ played some great music, the guys and gals that made the trip from Bangor and Ellsworth and New Sweden all had a fantastic time. And we got to do the Time Warp, which is always a blast. If you live in The County or Northern Maine, do yourself a favor and mark late December on your calendar for 2009 - this is definitely a must attend event.

More to the point, though, Maine Gay is smitten.

The more I get to know The Beau, the more I feel that I'm a lucky man to have met him. He's active in his community, well liked and well respected by those around him, and cute as the dickens to boot.

Its been years since I've had "the butterflies", and thanks to some growing up, I'm not freaking out about it. You know - "What does it mean?" "Where are we going?" "What did that giggle mean?".

I'm happy to be living in the moment, and hopeful that I may have met someone to share my current life with.

So, we're making plans to see each other again. He's coming down to Portland weekend after next, then we are going to Bangor together to spend time with some now-mutual friends the weekend after.

In the meantime, I'm glowing. And its a good feeling
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Have No Doubt

Believe it or not, there's a religious figure out there who's scarier than Rick Warren.


It's Meryl Streep. Actually, it's Meryl Streep as Sister Aloysius, the prinicipal of St. Nicholas School in the Bronx, circa 1964.

I saw Doubt over the weekend, and it was fantastic. It's still in limited release, so those who don't live in a big city probably can't see it yet, but it will hopefully be coming to a theatre near you soon.

SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want to know plot details about the film, don't read beyond this paragraph. However, I will say that having seen the play a few years back, knowing how it ends actually improved my viewing of the film. But, of course, I will leave that up to you ... but here's the trailer, in any event.



Okay, if you're still with me ... here goes.

The plot (and you probably know this much already) centers around a battle between an imperious nun (Streep) and the new parish priest (Philip Seymour Hoffman), whom she accuses of "paying special attention" (code for child molestation) to a young student, who just happens to be the only African-American student in the school. Sister Aloysius believes that he chose this young boy because he's isolated from the other students based on his race, and therefore less likely to tell. For his part, Father Flynn furiously denies the charges, and states emphatically and repeatedly that Sister Aloysius is a cruel woman who mistakes kindness as a perversion. Okay, so that much you probably knew already.

What makes the film (and the play it's based on) so interesting is that you never really find out whether or not Flynn is guilty of the crime he's been accused of. John Patrick Shanley, the playwright, screenwriter, and director of the film version, doesn't seem that interested in whether or not Flynn actually misbehaved with the young boy; rather, he's concerned with why people believe what they believe, even when they have no proof. Oh, and all of the main characters in the piece just happen to be members of the clergy. Hm.

The only thing we know for certain is that Sister Aloysius believes what she believes, and that's good enough for her. The role of Father Flynn is trickier, and I would imagine very difficult to play. The script would give an actor no indication whether or not the priest is guilty of molesting a young boy, yet it's clear that the audience is meant to go back and forth, believing one moment and disbelieving the next, depending on who is speaking at any given time.

The counterpoint for both Sister Aloysius and Father Flynn is young Sister James. In the movie, James is played by Amy Adams, who I've loved ever since I saw her in Junebug a few years back. (Have you seen it? If not, and I sincerely mean this, rent it immediately; it remains one of the most original and charming movies I've ever seen.) Adams is fantastic in this movie, as a nun who works for both Sister Aloysius and Father Flynn, and often doesn't know what to think; in that way, she's the link with the audience for much of the film.

And the other major figure in Doubt (there are only four actors needed in the stage version) is Mrs. Miller, played by Viola Davis. There's a huge amount of Oscar buzz around Davis this year for her performance, which is noteworthy only because she has about eleven or twelve minutes of screen time. However, the bulk of that time is spent going head-to-head with Meryl Streep. I thought Davis was excellent in a difficult role, but what's so intriguing about the role, and the scene, are the words that come out of her mouth. What Mrs. Miller does for Doubt is take a seemingly simple construct (did the priest diddle the kid or not), and make it really complex, really fast. Her point of view suddenly makes dynamics such as race and sexual orientation matter. She's very upfront about the fact that her son's "nature" (she clearly believes him to be gay, although she never says the word) causes problems at home (he is routinely beaten by his father, and she feels powerless to stop it). Quite frankly, she's grateful to any man who shows the least bit of kindness to her son, even if it's entirely possible that the kindness is inextricably linked to sexual abuse; she prefers it to the physical abuse he receives at home, and wonders if it's even doing that much harm, since the boy was clearly gay before he ever met with Father Flynn alone in the rectory. More than anything, she wants her son to graduate with the rest of the 8th grade class, because she knows more than anyone what the future holds for an uneducated black man in the Bronx.

The subtitle for the play, when it was presented on Broadway was, "A Parable," but the inclusion of Mrs. Miller lifts the story out of pure theatricality and makes it almost as messy as real life.

And there's lots of gender stuff to think about as well. As depicted in Doubt, the priests clearly have a lot more fun than the nuns at St. Nicholas Parish, though it's difficult to know if this would change if the dour Sister Aloysius weren't in charge of the convent. But in the first confrontation between the nun and the priest at the center of the story, a fascinating thing happens. The scene takes place in the principal's office, and during some meaningless small talk about the upcoming Christmas pageant, Father Flynn plops himself down in Sister Aloysius' chair. He doesn't have any idea how disrespectful he's being, and it's painfully clear that neither Sister Aloysius nor Sister James have any right to bring this to his attention. When the situation between Flynn and Aloysius erupts into all-out warfare, the priest tries, on two separate occasions, to gain the upper hand by reminding the nun that she is subservient to him simply because he is a man. To her credit, she's having none of it, and maintains that the safety of her students is more important than the institutionalized sexism of the Catholic church.

And it's for this reason that I ultimately side with the stern and sometimes cruel nun, at the expense of the jovial, affable, likeable young priest. Whether or not he actually did anything wrong, it was clear to me that she is primarily motivated by a vulnerable child, whereas he seems motivated by his own authority to do exactly what he wants, exactly the way he wants to do it. He does give some lovely speeches about the virtue of kindness, and they're quite convincing. And one does wonder whether or not Sister Aloysius goes after the priest out of a need to strike back against her oppressor. On the other hand, we all know now that pedophilia (a word never uttered in the film) has been an epidemic in the Catholic church for some time. On the other hand, Sister Aloysius has no proof beyond the circumstantial and Father Flynn's fingernails. And we never find out, because this is a movie for grown-ups.

I just love Oscar season; I wish it would never end. (click to read more ...)

Nullified By Popular Vote

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Olga's Sunday Manicure - Nor'easter Edition

The first big snowstorm of the season has started, so Olga is bundled up inside, drinking coffee, reading the paper.

And is happy she lives only five blocks from the arena and will be able to go to the hockey game this afternoon.

Priorities, you know.

So, with snow flying, and holiday preparations taking shape, lets see what good stuff people have been writing about this week.

...The last thing we ever did together physically was hold hands and pray. The last thing he ever made me do was laugh out loud for a long time. And ding dong, that's saying a lot...

Read the full story, "Mr Stewart", at Heres The Thing.

...Please, can someone else take over care of the freaky and weird shit happening. I'm burnt...

Read the full story, "Anything Needs To Just Stop", at Blue Alto.

...I won’t say she mowed over opposition and adversity; she merely said “pardon me” and walked right on past...

Read the full story, "A Christmas Memory", at What Would Jackie Wear.

...So she asked Julian if he knew who I was and he nodded halfheartedly. OK, good enough. She left the baby with a total stranger...

Read the full story, "More Adventures In Babysitting", at Eric Three Thousand.

...I said all the mom-type things..be good, be polite to strangers, wear clean underwear at all times and don't fuck off all the money you will make before you pay me back what I have loaned you for this friggin move to parts unknown...

Read the full story, "Hes Gone", at Its My Right To Be Left Of Center.

...I feel a sick compulsion to mention that I haven't washed my hair or changed my underwear since Monday.

Read the full story, "The Art Of Mending", at Long Story Longer.

...Internet, isn't he brave? To suggest to his pregnant wife that he is allowed to have an opinion about food whatsoever...

Read the full story, "14 Weeks", at Dooce.

Sorry for the shortened version today, boys and girls, but its time for me to head over to meet my friends and watch the football game before going to the hockey game. Olga's feeling particularly butch today...

Have a great Sunday! (click to read more ...)

Some Of My Best Friends

I've been thinking about the whole Rick Warren controversy a lot in the last few days.

I'm angry. I'm surprised. And I'm hurt.

I'm angry at Barack Obama. I get that he's a politician, and never in the campaign did he really advocate for the LGBT community. His description of himself as a "fierce advocate" for gay & lesbian equality is mind blowing, though. One is not a "fierce advocate" for equality while not backing equal rights - as is the case with Mr. Obama and marriage equality.

I'm surprised that his staff and campaign are so tone deaf as to think that a leading evangelical from California who fought to take away our right to marry and compared our relationships to incest and pedophilia should be given such a leading role at his inauguration. And to say it's okay because they also invited a gay band is just insulting.

But what gets me the most has been the reaction of some of my straight friends. With the wonderful world of Facebook, I am able to keep up with my friends, what they're doing, and - with their updates ("Maine Gay is...") - know what they're thinking.

So when a good friend of mine posted "xxx is sad that the gay community is whining about Rick Warren. They have to accept that there are people with different views on social issues.", I was speechless - and hurt.

And he hasn't been the only one. I've heard variances of "America isn't ready for gay marriage" to "it's just a prayer" to "he has to be open on social issues" from a number of straight people.

And that lead me to this conclusion. Some of my best friends don't see me as equal to them.

I've actually, deep down, always kind of known this. I have sensed, whether when dating someone or when I was in a long term relationship, that it's seen by some of my friends as "cute". But not really a relationship. Not like theirs.

But, with this issue, it really just hit me in the face that, as Red so eloquently said in a comment on his previous post, to many people gay is something we do, not who we are.

I have many thoughts and feeling going through me with this realization, some of which I won't say because I know I don't mean them. But in short:

We are not a "social issue" or a "viewpoint". We are fully equal human beings, and we expect and deserve to be treated with the respect and dignity that entails.

We are not a "cause". Please don't use us as a way to make yourself feel good about how progressive you are. In the end, its just demeaning to everyone involved.

We are tired of being used. "Progressive" politicians take our money, our time, our expertise, and our votes, but there is little consequence when they turn away after the election. Meanwhile we are repeatedly told that its for "the greater good". And I get that to some extent, in the big picture way. But I've got to tell you, when I got an appeal for more money from Obama this week, it infuriated me. You know what? Go raise it at Saddleback Church. I'm done for a while.

Let me be clear - I'm not "re-evaluating my friendships" with my straight friends. I am, though, seeing some of them in a new light.

By talking about it, though, I'm hoping to work through it. And maybe - just maybe - get some of them to take a look at how they really view me and my community.

And in the end, that might just lead us all to a better place. (click to read more ...)

The Purpose-Driven Scandal

Well, it's a good thing that breaking news isn't what we do here at Jungle Red, because we'd be way behind on this one. But it's a doozy.

The liberals are raving mad over the announcement that Rick Warren has been invited to provide the invocation at Barack Obama's Inauguration.

For those who don't know, "Pastor" Warren is the leader of the Saddleback Church, author of The Purpose-Driven Life, and has compared gay relationships to pedophilia and incest in the past. He's a charming fellow, that Rick Warren.

Hilary Rosen and Robert Zimmerman debated Roland Martin about the whole flap on Anderson Cooper's show last night (special kudos to Zimmerman, by the way - he was great), and Obama was asked about the flap at a press conference. His response wasn't terrific, but I imagine that the subtext sounds something like, "Wow, what a relief to not have to talk about the whole Blogojevich clusterf**k today."

So ... I've been thinking a lot about this today, and haven't really made up my mind about any of it. Where cartoons have long depicted a little angel and a little devil sitting on the shoulders of someone facing a moral dilemma, I often find myself with a little idealist version of me sitting on my left shoulder, fighting it out with a little realist version of me on my right.

On the one hand ... from where I sit, nothing about Pastor Warren speaks of inclusivity. He is, by his very nature, a polarizing figure. A lot of GLBT folks are saying that the day is basically ruined for them now that an unapologetically anti-gay figure has been given a platform by a guy they worked their butts off for. They feel like they've been slapped in the face.

On the other hand ... it's an invocation, not a cabinet post. As Obama's apologists have pointed out, there's a pro-gay preacher giving the benediction at the same Inauguration, and Obama has been an outspoken advocate of gay rights (with the notable exception of legal civil marriage for same-sex couples) throughout his campaign. Surely after all he's done, this is no reason to abandon Obama's message of hope and change. This is likely nothing more than a political move, designed to silence the evangelicals who think we're all going to hell after voting a faggot-loving Muslim into the Oval Office. And besides, a pro-gay preacher has been asked to give the benediction, so it's not like Warren's peculiar brand of faith will be the only one on display on Inauguration Day.

So those are the two sides to the debate, as I see it. And I'm still mostly confused. But little by little, the tiny idealist to my left is winning. But it's doing so with a realist's argument. Faith is a particularly touchy issue in these United States, but c'mon ... there have to be huge numbers of American faith leaders that could have been chosen to speak at the Inauguration celebration that would not have caused this kind of outrage. I'm upset because what should have been a day of immense joy and celebration has been tainted somewhat; I just know I'm going to spend the entire morning with the nagging fear that I and my adoptive lesbian moms (who plan on standing right beside me in the freezing cold on the National Mall) will be insulted by a bigoted asshole who was handed a microphone by the man who embodied diversity and inclusivity for us in 2008. But beyond my own personal feelings, this seems like Obama's first big political mistake. A lot of people are really pissed off about this, and it seems like he should have forseen that kind of response.

Instead, Obama says that we should "agree to disagree." Well, when it comes to some issues, he may have a point. But, as Robert Zimmerman so brilliantly and succinctly stated on CNN last evening, "this is not about the issue of gay rights. This is about individual respect for humanity and human decency, and Reverend Warren's comments disqualify him from that. He uses faith to preach fear." When it comes to respecting the basic humanity of all people, we shouldn't have to put up with differences of opinion. Either I'm a human being or I'm not.

If Obama, three or four months into his presidency, wished to invite Pastor Warren to the White House to talk about issues that they disagree on with others who agree or disagree with either one, that would be a positive step. I would actually welcome that. But this seems more like endorsement than engagement. And while I'm not peeling the Obama sticker off of my car anytime soon, I guess it really comes down to this: the little idealist and the little realist on my shoulders can argue all they want; I guess the one truth I can't quite get away from is that the whole thing just makes me sad.

So ... what do you all think? (click to read more ...)